Day 16 Someone or something you definitely could live without.

lol I can say the internet. I can definitely live without it, (not like I WANT to live without it), just that I can. Without it I can spend more time doing my hobbies, playing with Rosie, getting housework done etc. BUT with it I can keep in touch with family that is spread out throughout the country and the world. So it is a helper and a time consumer.

Day 15 Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Oo easy one. MY HUSBAND! Even though I need to tweak the truth a little bit. I didn't TRY to live without him, I HAD to live without him. It's called the military people and it involves deployments. He has been on two so far. First one was 6 months, second one was 7 months and there was only 3 months of him being home between the two of them. And there are underways, ranging from a couple of days to months that he has around these deployments. And even before he was assigned to a ship, I had to live without him while he went to boot camp, A school, Power school. ( I got married to him during that one!). In the entire time we have been a couple he has been gone most of it. But I am so glad and lucky that he is in my life as much as he is.

Day 14 A hero that has let you down.

I know I am probably going to be the odd one out on this one but I have never had a "hero" let alone one that let me down. Even when I was younger and had teachers make us write essays about who is our hero and what they did etc. I always had to make one up or write about my sister or dad or some actor blah blah blah. I don't like to look up to people if you don't already know that about me. Looking up to somebody to me makes me think that I want to "follow" this person and do what they do and try to "copy" their actions. Kind of like what a 2 year old does with older children. Every person should strive to be a better them, not strive to be somebody else.

Day 13 A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Do I seriously have to choose just one?!?!?! Ok! If I have to. I will have to say Nickelback. They have been in my life since forever. I still remember sitting in my husband's (then boyfriend) jeep and singing along to nickelback as he drove us to school or out to a date, or to pick up his sister from school and go to german club etc etc. I even remember talking to him about making plans to go see a concert of theirs without our parents lol (very wishful thinking on our part). And of course that never happened.

And I also remember the day he went off to boot camp. That morning I said goodbye to him, went to school, got on the bus to go to my bowling class and crying the entire way there to the song "Far Away". That was not the only time I would cry to the song during his boot camp days, during our first deployment, and even our second. It seems everytime that boy has to leave I have to plug in Nickelback, skip to that song and just have myself a good cry every now and then. And its not just that one song either!
Their new album came out when my husband was on his first underway (month long one) right before his first deployment (6 month long one). And I have to say it exceeded my expectations. I fell in love with them all over again. I even managed to go to a concert of theirs with my sister in law like a week before Vance came home from his first deployment. I swear one day I will go to a Nickelback concert WITH my husband a long with since it is his all time favorite band :D

Day 12 Something you never get compliments on.

Other then right after I got my braces off my Senior year, I will have to say my smile. My teeth are not perfect (yes, even after braces), and they are not movie star white. My smile is probably my one feature that really don't like about myself also. But yea, other then the couple of months after I had my braces taken off, nobody really compliments about it. But seriously that is not something a lot of people even bother to compliment about anyways lol

Day 11 Something people seem to compliment you the most on

If I asked my husband he would say everything (what a sweetie) but the something people seem to compliment me the most on is probably my ability to listen. All of my friends know they can come to me and I will listen to whatever is wrong or whatever they want to vent about. Even if I don't have any pertinent advice sometimes, its nice to just have that somebody that you can talk to about anything and they won't judge. And I am lucky to be able to have them do the same for me :D

Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

I can honestly (and luckily) say that there is nobody that is in or has ever been in my life that I wish I didn't know. In my opinion, people are in your life for a reason. Be it a bad or good. You learn or get something from it or they learn or get something from the it. How ever long or short, interesting or boring, bad or good, they are there for a reason and its nothing to wish away.

Day 09 Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Ahhh this one I can do! Being a military wife I move around a lot and that means leaving behind a lot of people, friends and family alike. I have a lot of friends back from high school that are just "drifting" so to speak because there is no way I can hang out with them anymore. Only a select few I am actually in regular contact with and I am blessed with that. There are also a lot of new friends I made back in SC where my husband and I lived for a bit that we all got stationed across the country from each other, so they are drifting as well. All I can say is thank goodness for technology so we can keep up on each others lives!!

Day 08 Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Ummmm that would be no one. I do not tolerate people in my life that are negative impacts on me, let alone kept them in my life to make my life hell. In my experience the only person who can make your life hell is your own self.  Everybody has their choices in life, including the ones they share it with.

Day 07 Someone who has made your life worth living for.

It is not really a someone, it is a someones. I have to say it is everybody I care about. Be it family or friend. They are the people that make my life enjoyable. My family to laugh with on the phone and go visit during holidays, my friends to confide in and swap children with. My husband to share everything with, hopes, joys, dreams, grow old with, have babies together, spoil future grandchildren, act like total dorks out in public ( I think you get the picture with him :D), and last but not least my baby girl. Roselyn was a great miracle and both Vance and have I have her to live for. I mean, come on! We are raising and taking care of another human being! She is totally dependent on us and that is a huge responsibility. She is one of the bigger "someones" that made my life worth living and I will enjoy every minute of it!

Day 06 Something you hope you never have to do.

This is another easy one. I hope to never bury a child. I have had miscarriages in the past and those were devastating to me themselves. I really would not know how I would be able to survive with my sanity if I actually met them, held them in my arms, taught them things, had them grow in front of my eyes and then lose them. I know I wouldn't be able to come back from that whole.

Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.

I am a little behind so I will be doing 3 days today in different posts. This shall be interesting :]

So something I hope to do in my life. That is an easy one! I want to travel outside of the country. At this point I don't even care where we go (we as in my little family). Originially I really really really wanted to hit up Venice, Italy and one of these days I will. But now a days I don't even care where. It can be Ireland, Scotland, Germany, Italy, even freaking Australia! I just want to see and experience a different culture other then my own for once. Seriously, I am an Anthropology major that has never been out of the USA. So that is something I hope to do in my life (more then hope, I KNOW I am going to do it in my life)

Day 04 Something you have to forgive someone for.

Honestly, there is nobody I have to forgive that I already haven't forgiven. I do not hold grudges at all and I trust easily so even if somebody did something for me to even have to forgive, I will trust them again pretty soon afterwords (if you can understand all of that). Vance thinks its one of my faults lol.

Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for

There is one really big thing that I need to forgive myself for and this is long time in coming. I basically have just put it in the back of my mind and try not to think about it but as you can see, it can sit there and fester and basically make you one feel so guilt ridden. So here it goes. My brother left the house before I became a junior in high school. He didn't leave on friendly terms with my parents and I felt like he could have matured up some and just followed the rules of the house and therefore he wouldn't have left me the only child in that house. After he left I became pretty lonely there. I never realized how much company he actually was. And then when Vance left for boot camp I felt like I was being left behind with everything. So that was the start of me not talking to my brother. I remember a couple of times where he actually tried to call my cell before my shift started at work but I ignored them because in my mind he abandoned me and I was left to grow up by myself basically. So back then, I thought I had reason enough to technically 'abandon" him.

Now here is a little back story. My brother (yes he is my half brother but I never put the half in front of it) was born HIV positive. The doctors said he would never live past 2 years old because of how sick he was. He defied all odds with the help from my parents and grew up to become as healthy as he could be. He grew strong and looked like any other teenage boy. If not for all the medicine and doctor's appointments no one was the wiser. He hated it all of course, but it was the only things keeping him alive. As soon as he left the house he wasn't as vigilant in taking his medicine and going to see his doctors. I think he gave up on it all just so he can feel he lived for once. So he was gone and I basically put him out of my mind. I never realized how much I can regret something. I graduated, moved away, got married and never really thought about anything or anybody but myself and my new life. I saw my brother once before he passed away. And by then it was too late. He was trached and couldn't speak. So I couldn't even hear his voice. And by then he wasn't able to write anymore so we couldn't converse. I never thought it would be that bad when I flew home to visit because my parents told me he wasn't doing so good. After staying near his care facility for a couple of days I had to go back home to SC because of my schooling. I remember the phone call from my family telling me he wasn't going to last the night, I remember the plane ride home with my husband to attend his funeral, I remember the funeral itself, the plane ride home, and the acting like everything was normal. But what I remember most is how guilty I felt for acting like such a child back then. I could have spent the last two years of his life being his sister, and friend. Seriously, this was the brother that everybody thought we were twins, we always teamed up against our older sisters, we went to the same school at the same time, so he walked me to and from grade school, taught me the hallways of high school. And all because he got out of the house and lived the life he wanted, I acted like I was the victim and took him out of my life and notice.  And it wasn't until too late that I realized my mistake and grew up.

So this is what I need to forgive myself for. I need to drill it into my head that I was just a child and was acting like one.  I know he understood it more then I did in the end. Here is the last time I saw my brother alive and I will forever remember. I forgive myself.

Day 02 Something you love about yourself.

On to day number 2! A little late, but better late then never. Ummm so something I love about myself.  I will have to narrow it all down to me loving my maternal side. I absolutely love love love children and I am so glad that I was able to finally become a mother. I started taking care of babies when I was 11 years old and back then I didn't want to have any biological children. I wanted to adopt the world basically. Vance and I still plan on adopting at least once when he is out of the navy so I will at least accomplish that dream. But I am thrilled that I was able to carry Rose full term and be able to be apart of her life. It is such a blessing. So to describe it better, the thing I love the most about myself is my capacity to figure out what is wrong with my little one, how to make her stop crying (and sometimes other people's little ones) and how much love I can give her and other ones. Like seriously, how can you NOT love a baby, even one's that are not your own?

Day 01 Something you hate about yourself.

I really never liked that word. Ever since high school I have tried not to use it at all, directed at anybody, especially at myself. I have a healthy amount of self confidence so you can see how using the word hate or even dislike directed towards oneself, doesn't help with that. But I know I have to pick one thing and I guess that will be my need to please people even at the expense of my own happiness. My husband was actually the first person that ever pointed it out to me and I thank him for it even to this day.
I never realized how my constant need to please everybody effected me until I moved away, got married and I finally had somebody tell me to stick up for myself and that it was ok to say no to people. Back then before I tried to do anything about it I was plagued with so much stress that I had migraines almost every day and I didn't even know what it was stemming from. But I have to say I only get the occasional migraine these days :D 
But even though I now know what my problem is it is still difficult for me to say no. For example, if I really really really really need to get things done around the house, I actually have things planned, or I would like to relax for a day, I will drop everything if somebody, friends/family,wants me to go out somewhere. To me saying no to them will make them think I don't want to hang out with them, or I am putting them off etc etc. Even though I know its because I actually had other things to do. So I say yes, go out, come home and feel bad because I didn't get anything done that needed to be done or I feel worn out because I didn't get to relax like my body needs, especially if I just traveled 18 hours in a car. But you want to know the other part? If I actually do say no I will feel bad the rest of the day because I said no. So I can honestly say I hate how my mind works and why I feel like it is my duty to make everybody around me happy and not myself.

30 days of truth, the description

A lot of my friends are starting this new challenge and I decided to jump on the band wagon with them :] It is called 30 days of truth and each day there is a new question/statement that I have to tell the answer with all honesty. I am hoping this is a good experience for me and my family. I might even snag my hubby into doing this with me. (he is not the writing sort but I have some good persuasion techniques lol) Here are each day and their coinciding question/statement. Wish me luck!

01 Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11  Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12  Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13  A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17  A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21  (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself