Day 01 Something you hate about yourself.

I really never liked that word. Ever since high school I have tried not to use it at all, directed at anybody, especially at myself. I have a healthy amount of self confidence so you can see how using the word hate or even dislike directed towards oneself, doesn't help with that. But I know I have to pick one thing and I guess that will be my need to please people even at the expense of my own happiness. My husband was actually the first person that ever pointed it out to me and I thank him for it even to this day.
I never realized how my constant need to please everybody effected me until I moved away, got married and I finally had somebody tell me to stick up for myself and that it was ok to say no to people. Back then before I tried to do anything about it I was plagued with so much stress that I had migraines almost every day and I didn't even know what it was stemming from. But I have to say I only get the occasional migraine these days :D 
But even though I now know what my problem is it is still difficult for me to say no. For example, if I really really really really need to get things done around the house, I actually have things planned, or I would like to relax for a day, I will drop everything if somebody, friends/family,wants me to go out somewhere. To me saying no to them will make them think I don't want to hang out with them, or I am putting them off etc etc. Even though I know its because I actually had other things to do. So I say yes, go out, come home and feel bad because I didn't get anything done that needed to be done or I feel worn out because I didn't get to relax like my body needs, especially if I just traveled 18 hours in a car. But you want to know the other part? If I actually do say no I will feel bad the rest of the day because I said no. So I can honestly say I hate how my mind works and why I feel like it is my duty to make everybody around me happy and not myself.